The Dead Can't Dance
by BellaDeSang
Summary: After spending the last 200 years buried in the basement of an abandoned building Samuel Evans has been awakened. Finding himself in the 21st century is scary, strange and confusing. He's forgotten how to be a vampire. Now he must try to reclaim his status while trying to shed his awkward vampire ways. Old faces reappear and new friends and enemies are made. Can he survive?
1. Chapter 1

Kurofsky's Constructions had finally gotten the rights to bulldoze down the old house at the corner of McGregor's Street. The owner David and his team had sectioned off the street and quarantined the house to make sure no one was to get hurt. Most of the workers had gone home for the day except Jacob Israel who was in charge of keeping watch during the night for vandalizing teenagers looking for a place to hangout. Even though it was good pay he hated working the night time shift.

"It's better than sitting at home jerking off to porn," he said aloud.

Suddenly he heard a noise coming from inside the house, "Damn kids!" he fumed as he searched his car for his flashlight. Putting down his coffee in the holder he flicked on the light and motioned it over the property. A random cat appeared out of the bushes and scampered off. He chuckled to himself as he turned the light off and went back to his car. Settling in his seat he turned on the radio to listen to WHYY hoping to catch WireTap. Jacob laughed at Jonathan's remark while taking a bite of his turkey and rye sandwich. The sound of something crashing inside the house caused him to glance up, "Stupid damn cats! I hate animals…" he muttered going back to enjoying his radio.

It was dark in the basement except for a piece of moonlight shining through the crack of the slightly broken window. The room was empty except the cobwebs and dust that sat in place from whenever the place was last cleaned. Through the darkness a pair of glowing green eyes stood out. They scanned the room erratically searching for anything it could get its hands on. A source of bright light had briefly lit up the room as the green eyes retreated further into the darkness. When the light faded it relaxed, waiting for whatever was outside to come in here. Suddenly a cat scurried across its path. Quick to react it snatched up the cat and twisted its neck; silencing it from making any further noises.

Jacob turned off his radio before grabbing a hold of his flashlight. The noise he had just heard was getting on his last nerve as he decided to enter the abandoned house in front of him. He shined his light through the foyer, "You damn junkies better not be shooting up in here!" he warned making his way around. He checked in the kitchen and living room, but there was no sign of trespassers anywhere. Feeling like all of this searching was worthless he turned to go back out the door when he heard another noise again. Using his light as his guide he came face to face with the basement door. Shaking his head, "Got them now…" he stated as he slowly pulled open the door. Shining the light around he crept down the stairs and immediately started to sneeze from all the dust around him. Jacob was unaware of a pair of green eyes watching him from within the shadows. Suddenly his light flickered out, "Cheap piece of crap!" he yelled hitting the flashlight to try and get it to turn back on. When he was successful he spun around and screamed. There a rather tall but thin man stood staring at him. In Jacob's mind he looked like he was dressed as a pirate. The man had long shoulder length blonde hair and with a pair of wild green eyes.

"The hell are you doing down here? This place is condemned!" Jacob yelled trying to show authority.

The man tilted his head, "I didn't realize…"

"Well now you know! Get to stepping or I will call the police to have you removed. This is private property of Kurofsky's Constructions!"

The man took a step forward, the moonlight hitting him, "I'm so hungry…"

Jacob eyed the man, "Are you a junkie? I don't have any food."

"Oh but I think you do," he said slowly

"Look, leave now by the time I count to ten or I'm going to call for backup!"

"I can't let you do that," he spoke before locking eyes with Jacob, "I'm awfully sorry about this."

Without any warning the tall man bared his sharp canines before grasping Jacob by the neck. Using all the strength he had he pulled Jacob towards him searching for the largest vein in his neck he could find. Quickly he bit down missing the vein causing the man to shriek, "Sorry…" he muttered apologetic like before sinking his teeth into the correct spoke. As he continued to drink he felt the man's body lessen and soon all motion came to a stop. Releasing his victim he licked his mouth to lap up the excess blood. Once he was done relishing in the taste he looked down worriedly at the person on the floor. Crouching down he picked up the man's wrist only to watch it fall to the ground.

"Sir? Good Sir are you ok?" he asked not receiving a response, "Oh no…I did it again." He grabbed the man and started shaking him, "Hello in there! Wake up!" he yelled. Frustrated he stood up and tried to prop the man up against the stairs, "Ok listen… " he glanced at the badge, "Ja-Cob? I'm really sorry for biting you but I famished. I've been down here for a long time and I really needed to eat…the cat I ate earlier only helped for 10 minutes. Please sir, wake up! Tell me where I am! What is this…" he eyes roamed over, "Dark place?" Jacob's lifeless body slumped to the floor. The man stomped his foot, "Are you mocking me? I do not like to be mocked for I am the Great Samuel Christopher Evans! Heir to the Evans fortune…are you even listening? Get up!" he hissed picking up the body again, "There," he said satisfied. Pacing around the room Samuel was trying to figure out what to do next. He waited for Jacob to respond to him. When he received nothing he continued pondering, "I need a bath. By the looks of these quarters I don't think water runs here anymore. Take me to where I can freshen up," he demanded staring at Jacob. "Mmm…go outside you say? But I don't know where I am." Thinking about the idea for a moment longer he decided he would go outside, "I bid you farewell Sir Jacob. Thank you for your kind words and your charity," he beamed leaving Jacob's corpse as he tripped over the body trying to ascend the stairs. Standing up straight quickly he ignored his clumsiness and continued upstairs. Looking around the house he searched for anything that could tell him where he was.

Mercedes had just gotten done working the night shift at the local bar in town. She collected her tips and stuffed them in her bra before saying goodbye to the local bar patrons. Before she could leave Tina grabbed her arm.

"Hey Mercy, be careful!" Tina said

"Girl, I'm always careful. But thank you T"

"You're welcome. It just looks so creepy out. It's getting closer to Halloween which means the creeps come out at night."

"I can handle myself. Folks around here aren't that scary."

Stepping out of the Lima bar she let the cool nights air hit her face. Pulling her coat closer to her she started to head home. She only lived a few miles from the bar and thought it was useless to waste gas driving to work. Her feet ached from the heels her manager Will Shuester had made all the girl bartenders and servers wear. Not being able to stand it anymore she stopped to lean against a wall to take off her shoes, "This feels so much better," she sighed. Wiggling her toes against the ground she continued on her journey home.

Samuel stayed pressed against the building watching a curvy brown woman leave the building. Everything about her body had said delicious and he felt himself grow hungrier than he had expected. Making up his mind he decided that she would be his new prey. Samuel dusted his clothes off so that he could at least look presentable if he wanted to charm the young woman. He walked a few feet from behind her keeping his distance to not startle her. The woman could sense someone was there and briefly glanced over her shoulder to see nothing. When she turned back around she was met with a pair of wild green eyes. Backing up she stared at the man like he was insane.

"You're in my way," she said trying to move around, "If you don't move creep I am going to mace your ass!"

Samuel stepped out of the way to allow her to pass but proceed to keep up the pace, "How is your evening madam," he said smoothly

"Look fool I am not a hooker. Save your smooth talking lame pimp looking ass words for someone else," she said picking up her pace.

"I am sorry madam. I do not mean to offend," he said stepping in front of her trying to hold her gaze.

Mercedes scrunched her face at his actions, "What are you trying to do? Why are you giving me the lazy eye?"

The man looked offended, "Lazy eye? I don't have a lazy eye…" his voice trailed trying to hold her gaze again.

"If you don't stop trying to eye fuck me I will poke you in the eye! Get away from me!"

He lowered his gaze, "You're not affected by my stare?"

"Are you high? No that shit is not working on me!" she sighed with frustration pushing past the man, "Stay away from me."

He caught her hand, "Wait a minute brown woman! Where are you going?"

She froze pulling him, "Brown woman?" she sneered

Samuel wasn't prepared for her movement and fell flat on his face, "I'm…I'm sorry I do not know your name…" he said face still buried in the pavement.

She snatched her hand away, "And you will never! Goodbye asshole."

Mercedes proceeded to speed away from the weirdo she just encountered, _'Tina was not playing when she said the creeps come out at night,'_ she thought to herself. This was the first time she had ever encountered anyone strange in Lima, that wasn't a familiar face. Not wanting to think about it any further she hurried home so that she could feel safe behind her apartment door and shake off thoughts of the strange man. When she got inside she flicked the switch and was greeted by her grey cat 'Monkey'. "How's my baby?" she cooed at the cat before going to check its food bowl. Opening up her cabinet she grabbed a can of cat food and opened it, dumping the contents into the cat bowl. She filled Monkey's water bowl up before heading off to her bedroom to discard her clothing. Once she was down to her bra and underwear she fell back on the bed letting the softness of her mattress envelope her.

Not wanting to feel any further shame Samuel picked himself up off the ground. He glanced around the street looking for any sign of the woman he had just encountered, _'How could she resist my gaze? No one can resist a vampire's gaze!'_ he fumed. He looked around trying to spot another prey but came up empty. Feeling defeated he started walking hoping his feet would lead him to an unsuspecting group of people. When he found none he pouted to himself thinking about his new friend Jacob that he had met. Out of nowhere he caught the scent he had smelt earlier, "The brown woman…" he deadpanned. His face had now turned into a scowl at the memory of her planting his face into the ground. Wanting to seek his revenge he watched her carefully easing into the bushes across the street from her home. "Now I know where you live…" he announced humorlessly laughing to himself when another pair of eyes in the bushes was looking at him. He glanced at them and shrieked, jumping out of the bushes sprinting across the street.

Hearing a loud noise from outside Mercedes looked out of her window. There was no one outside accept a small squirrel that came bouncing out of the bushes from across the street. Closing her curtains she turned her attention back to massaging her feet. Suddenly she heard something fall in her living room. Pissed that Monkey may have broken something she grabbed her robe before leaving her bedroom. It was dark and she hadn't remembered if she turned the lights off or not. Searching for the switch in the dark she came face to face with the weirdo from outside the bar. Not waiting for him to make a movement she grabbed her lamp and tossed it at him. When he yelped she knew she had hit her target before trying to run back to her room for her phone. Before she could make it to the door she felt something grab her by the waist and pull her back.

"Let me go! I don't have any money or anything of value!" she screamed

"I don't want your money…" he snarled, "I want you!"

"Let me go!"

"No, I've come to collect."

Pulling her to him he stared at her trying to hold her gaze again. The one thing he didn't notice about her before was how large her brown eyes were. They seemed to be holding an endless stare for what seemed like hours until the sound of the vein throbbing in her neck caught her attention. He averted his eyes from her to focus in on the loud sound. Licking his lips he slowly leaned towards her neck. As if in sync she gently tilted it only to find herself being pushed back. Snapping out of her daze she noticed that Monkey had took it upon himself to attack the man in front of her. _'Now's your chance!'_ her mind screamed as she ran to the kitchen and grabbed a frying pan. Swiftly she hit him over the head with it. When he didn't react she tried it again.

"Ow…ow…please stop hitting me!" he cried, "Are you trying to crack my head open?"

Mercedes glared at him, "Die you fucking strung out weirdo!" she yelled holding up the pan.

Samuel protectively placed his arms over his head, "I'm sorry brown madam. I'm sorry… please, just put the cooking instrument down!"

"No! Not until you get the hell out of my home."

"I mean you no harm," he weakly lied

"Oh yeah? Then what the hell are you doing in here?"

"I'm just hungry," he sobbed, "I'm so hungry…"

Hearing the man breakdown in front of her she started to feel bad, "Are you homeless?" she asked

He nodded, "Yes… I haven't had a home in a long time."

Feeling conflicted she looked around, "Stay right there. If you move from that spot I will beat the shit out of you again."

Samuel nodded in agreement as cowered against the wall. His eyes never breaking contact with the furry beast that attacked him earlier, _'One day when you least expect if I will eat you!'_ he thought. As if the cat could hear him it hissed causing him to look away. He let his eyes travel to where the woman had went. She moved around the space she lived in with her back turned towards him, _'Now's your chance,'_ he thought but immediately erased them when he remembered her warning. She returned with a plate and set it down pushing it towards him with the pan still gripped in her hand.

"What is this?" he asked

"It's food… Look if you're going to be picky then go find someone else's house to squat in."

"I can't eat this?"

"Why not? Are you a vegan or something?"

He stared at the plate before staring at her neck, "It's cooked"

"Oh…you're one of those raw food diet people. No wonder you're hungry," she said getting up, "I think I have some raw hamburger meat if you want to brave that."

Mercedes moved back to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Pulling out the Tupperware container she opened it to smell the meat, "Still smells fresh," she said placing it on the counter. Instantly Samuel was at the counter eyeing the mushy looking substance in a box. Sticking his finger in it he poked at it, "If you're going to play with it you better eat it," she commanded. He noticed the blood that started to leak from the meat. Greedily licking his lips he picked up the container and started to eat its contents. Mercedes eyed him carefully taking in his appearance. He was very pale, paler than the normal in Lima. His long blonde hair looked like he hadn't washed it in years. His clothes on the other hand looked like he robbed a Shakespeare's play wardrobe. She also noticed he was easy on the eyes for a hobo. Her attention was grabbed at the loud slurping sound he was making.

"Um…manners much?" she said

"Sorry," he said putting down the container, his fangs now on display for her to see.

"HOLY SHIT!" she screamed backing away from him.

"What?" he asked innocently.

"The fuck is your mouth? I know the homeless have some strange shit going on but um…" she said fearfully pointing at him.

Immediately his hands flew to his face trying to cover his mouth, "I'm sorry," he said sadly.

"Ok, my level of tolerance for this Twilight Zone mess has been reached and you sir need to get out now."

"Wait please…I don't have anywhere else to go…"

"Weren't you living on the streets? This isn't a Motel!"

"Please…I can't…the sun…" he panicked

"The sun?" she gasped awkwardly, "Buddy you could use a little bit of sunlight to help you out."

"I can't" he said stepping near her, "Please help me!"

She eyed him, "I don't know what to do for you. There are shelter's you can go too."

"Please…" he pleaded looking at her fearfully, "I'll die if I go into the sun."

"….die?"

He looked down trying to gather his thoughts, "I'm…I'm vampire…" he confessed.

There was immediate silence between them before it was broken by her loud cackling, "That's really good! Are you auditioning for a Twilight sequel?" she laughed

"I'm serious…" he breathed becoming irritated at her making fun of him.

"Ok…so if you're Dracula, what are you doing in Lima? Aren't you supposed to be in Europe somewhere?"

"I am not this Dracula that you speak of. I am the Great Samuel Christopher Evans," he announced proudly.

Mercedes continued laughed, "Oh god… please stop! I can't with you… this is too much this early in the morning," she was now gasping for air as she braced herself on the counter.

Not wanting to be further mocked he crossed the kitchen quickly and pinned her to the wall, "I…am…serious…" he deadpanned fangs slowly descending to prove his claim.

Mercedes paled for a moment, "What do you want from me?" she asked staring into his green eyes.

He let her go and softened his expression, "I just need a place to stay."

"Fine…but I'm locking my door so you can't do whatever that thing is you do with the lazy eye you have."

"I don't have a lazy eye…"

"Whatever. Do you need blankets or something?"

"None of the sort. I just need a dark place to sleep. You are a dark woman so I gather this would be an excellent find…" his voice trailed

Mercedes glared at him, "Did you just racially insult me?"

"No?" he said confused

"Look I ain't having no racist vampires stay in my place," she said reaching for the pan.

He grabbed her hand, "Please no…I'm sorry. Look, tell me your name madam so that I can formally address you."

Not being able to resist his charm, "Mercedes," she replied

"Mercedes?" he thought for a moment, "That is a very lovely name."

"Thank you Samuel the Great"

He looked flustered, "You can just call me Samuel…"

"Can I call you Sam? Samuel makes you sound old as hell," she said flatly

"I am as old as this hell you just said. But if you must you can call me Sam."

"Ok Sam…"

"Thank you. I shall now make myself at home in your living quarters."

He stepped away from her and walked around examining her room. He took note of her large bay windows, frowning at the idea of all the sunlight that would be let in. Sam punched a hole in her wall, "I will make a new home for myself. Thank you kindly for your hospitality. I bid you goodnight," he said before trying to settle in between the bricks. Mercedes blinked for a moment, "Hold the hell up Bela Lugosi! Did you just knock out my wall? I don't think so!" she said grabbing him. He hissed at her causing her to hiss back, "I ain't scared of you. You can sleep in my closet for now. But tomorrow you are finding your own damn depths of despair to stay in!"

Directing her to her small hallway closet she quickly tossed some of her things out of it. Sam waited patiently for her to finish eying the cat who was watching his every move. He made a mental note to have a private chat with the fur demon that lived here. "Here you go," she said presenting the cleared out closet to him. He eyed it sticking his head in, "It'll do," he said. She sucked her teeth at his remark before pushing him in and closing the door. "I will let you out before I leave for work tonight," she said locking the door. She noticed Monkey still staring at the door and smiled. Grabbing the cat she carried him off to her bedroom and locked the door behind her. "What the hell am I thinking?" she said suddenly to no one. She knew that she should be completely terrified of the fact that there was a strange man sleeping in her closet claiming to be a vampire. Part of her was still in disbelief while the rest of her was trying to register the events that just took place. Reaching under her bed she got out her small hand gun checking it for bullets. When she loaded it she placed it on her nightstand. Before getting into bed she opened up her curtains wide. If was indeed a vampire he wouldn't harm her when the sun was out. Feeling satisfied she dragged her desk chair over to the door and propped it under the handle. Walking to her bed slowly she deciding to sleep with the lights on just in case. Tomorrow was going to be a very interesting and long day for her, she could feel it.


	2. Chapter 2

The heat from the sun was shining onto Mercedes face as she squirmed around in her blankets. Without warning she sat up in bed alarmed, throwing Monkey off onto the floor. She removed her sleeping mask and looked around the room, "Oh thank god it was only a dream," she reassured herself before meeting the eyes of her angry cat, "I'm sorry." Throwing the blankets off her body she stretched before walking towards the window. It was a nice day out to walk around town and maybe do a little shopping. Moving her chair from in front of her door she stepped out into the main room and opened her cabinet. Humming to herself she prepared her coffeemaker. Suddenly the memories of last night came back to her and she turned around to stare at the hole in her wall, "Well…it's safe to say that I did not get high last night," she said cautiously walking into the living room. She stopped in front of her closet door, _'I wonder if he could hear me? Wait…can't they read minds too?'_ she thought as she lingered in front of the door for a few minutes before turning back around to the kitchen. Trying to take her mind off the weirdo that she was housing in her closet she prepared herself a bagel. Monkey crept out of her bedroom and sat in front of the closet hissing to his hearts content. She rolled her eyes at him as she reached for her coffee mug. The sound of something falling startled her, causing her to lose grip of her mug. "Shit…" she cursed bending down quickly to clean up the mug. As she swept it up with a towel she felt a presence behind her, "Monkey…go away…" she warned to the cat. When monkey stepped in front of her scowling her eyes grew large as she snapped around and fell on the floor in fear. There the closet weirdo stood staring at her bewildered and frantic. The air seemed to pass through them as he stood their eying her.

"…Sam…" she breathed not sure if she should make a run from her room or just lay down and die.

He inched closer, "Mercedes…you've broken your mug," he said softly. The gaze that he had been holding ceased as he looked at her apologetically. He bent down to her level carefully to tend to the mess she was cleaning. Still frozen she watched him, studying his actions to make sure it wasn't a trick. The strands of his long blonde hair fell into his eyes, covering them slightly. He shifted quickly to look at her through his hair. She felt her heart start to race as she gazed into his green orbs. Sam could hear her heartbeat increase and was concerned that the young woman was about to go into cardiac arrest. Slowly he crawled towards her on his hands and knees until he was partially hovering over her, still listening to the sound of her heart, _'Blood…'_ he thought to himself. As if she was being pulled by an invisible string she reached up to brush some of his hair out of his face. _'I'm so starved…I bet she taste like the sweetest wine with a hint of chocolate,'_ he wondered. Monkey on the other hand was not pleased by their interaction and started to hiss. The cat charged up to Samuel and scratched his hand. Sam flailed and recoiled against the island to soothe his hand, shooting the annoying animal glares.

Mercedes shook her head out of a trance and scrunched her face up, "How'd you get out?" she asked sternly

Sam looked at her sympathetically, "I heard something break in your apartment and thought you were in danger. I broke the door…" his voice trailed avoiding her now burning gaze.

"Let me get this straight. First you fuck up my wall now my damn door? I'm not made of money Sam! They don't make in case of Vampire insurance!"

"I'm sorry…I really did think something bad had happened to you."

Noticing him still nursing his hand she leaned over and grabbed it to check it out. She shivered at how cold he felt to the touch. Turning his hand over she was stunned that their was no marks, "I heal fast…" he stated as if he was reading her mind. Her eyes snapped up at him curiously, "You can read my mind?" she asked. He arched an eyebrow at her and let out of chortle, "No madam I cannot. What do you take me for a psychic?" he responded before standing up. Sam noticed the daylight hadn't fully hit the kitchen, but he couldn't make it back to his closet. He bit his lip trying to figure out what to do. Mercedes noticed the confliction on his face, her eyes glancing over to the living room and noticed how bright it was. Without saying anything she slowly got up and walked cautiously to her windows to close the curtains. When the room was now semi dark she turned around to say something to him but found that he no longer stood in the kitchen. Instead he had quietly made his way back to the closet and shut the door behind him. For a moment she found the situation cute and his actions endearing, _'Oh hell no Mercedes! Do not start having wandering thoughts about that weird ass man!'_ her mind screamed. Shrugging it off she walked to her couch to push it over to the door. Using her weight she slid it as a barricade in case he'd try to get out again.

When night time had approached Mercedes had made sure to use every resource she found on the internet to protect herself from Sam. She sat on her bed cross legged wondering what would happen now that it was nighttime. Granted he had been a gentleman when he broke out of the closet earlier on in the day but that had been on her time. This time it was night and she was in his territory. Grabbing a cross that she had fastened out of sticks from outside she made sure that her new garlic clove necklace was on. Making eye contact with Monkey she nodded silently, "Let's do this," she said. Standing up chest poked out with pride she marched into her living room fearless. Pushing the couch away from the door she counted to ten before opening it. She jumped back when she found Sam hanging upside down from her coat rack. He appeared like he was still sleeping and she wondered how he got up there in the first place. Staring for a moment she yelped when his green eyes shot opened. Surprised to see her staring in he returned shrieked before losing his focus and falling flat on his face. Mercedes pinched the bridge of her nose as she noticed the top shelf of her closet collapse, all her items landing on top of the bloodsucking idiot. Sheepishly he stood up rubbing his head before approaching her.

"Evening brown madam…" he said with a smirk

She narrowed her eyes, "If you call me…"

"Mercedes," he quickly corrected straightening up. His eyes roamed her outfit, "Why are you wearing food?" he asked

"What?"

"Food…I know what it is. You are wearing…"he leaned closely to smell her, "Garlic?"

"Yeah that's right! I've got garlic and I'm not afraid to use it!" she announced stepping back, tightening her grip on her cross.

He looked confused, "Are you preparing a meal? Is that how people cook in this time? Food must be worn before it's prepared?"

"It's for you…" she said sternly

His face brightened, "For me? Oh well…how kind! I do enjoy garlic every once in awhile. One time I ate this really portly Italian man and he just tasted heavenly."

Now her patience were being tested, "You like garlic?"

"Very much so"

"Then what about…" her voice trailed, "THIS! AHA!" she said putting up her cross on his face.

He blinked, "I'm not religious"

"What?"

"Your item, it is a cross. I am not religious. That is fine if you are but I insist you not push your beliefs on me…"

Mercedes was starting to feel her cheeks grow red, "So…garlic and this cross do nothing for you?"

"Other than as a food enhancement and a religious statement? No, not really. Why?" he asked tilting his head.

Looking down at herself she felt even more embarrassed, "Damn wikipedia…" she cursed

He watched her discard her items, "Well the gifts were thoughtful," his smile slowly dropped.

Mercedes shook her head at him before taking her useless items and throwing them in the trash. _'Never taking the internet's advice again!'_ she told herself feeling foolish for what she had done. Moving through her kitchen she quickly wet a paper towel to dab onto her skin, hoping to remove any smell of the garlic she had on. Not wanting to make any further contact with Sam she disappeared into her bedroom and reappeared with her purse. She pulled out some perfume and quickly sprayed herself. Sam sat patiently watching the woman move throughout her apartment in routine. When she had finally stopped moving about he closely examined her clothing. Getting up he blocked her from opening the front door.

"Where do you think you're going dressed like that?" Sam asked trying to pull the top of her shirt up.

She slapped his hands, "This is my work uniform!" she snapped

"Are you a lady of the night?"

"A lady of the what?" she squinted, "Did you just call me a hooker?"

"With your chocolaty bosoms exposed what other kind of work could you have?"

"I work in a bar Sam…"

"Why thee exposure? Do not degrade yourself."

"There is nothing degrading about my shirt. I like wearing low cut tops."

Sam eyed the rest of her outfit, "How does one hide their chastity belt in those pants?" he said squatting down to be eye level with her crotch.

"They are called leggings Sam and I do just fine without one."

"But you must stay intact otherwise you will not be able to find a proper husband."

"Listen ghoul-"

"I am not a ghoul. I am vampire, not an undead buffoon."

"There seems to be no difference…" she muttered

"Pardon?"

"I said that I don't need a 'proper husband'. This is the 21st century you fool. Women can choose whoever they like. If a guy doesn't want any of this he ain't getting any."

"How can you have such loose morals? Are you barren?" he said slowly extending his hand to brush against her stomach.

"Barren!" she shouted smacking his hand away.

"Well you said…"

"I can have children Samuel I just choose to do whatever I want. No one has claims on me. Wait why am I even having this conversation with you?"

He shrugged, "I was just concerned about your indecent exposure."

"Whatever," she said grabbing her purse, "Come on let's go!" hooking her hand under his arm.

"Wait, where am I going?"

"I told you when it got dark out that you were going back out onto the street."

"But why can I not stay with you?"

"I don't want you here!"

"You don't even know me madam to just throw me out onto the street as if I was a commoner."

"I know enough to know I'm not crazy to let a presumed vampire live with me!"

"I can protect you!"

"From what? Unless you can catch a bullet I don't think so. I don't need a knight in creepy armor."

"How do you know you do not need protecting? A lady always needs protecting."

"If you don't shut up with this sexist shit your balls are going to need protecting."

"My balls?" he thought about it, "Are you talking about a round object used for activity or a new age term that your people use now?"

"On that note, goodbye!" she said shoving him outside her door before closing it behind her.

Trying to ignore him she put her ear buds in turned on her iPod. She could feel him following her but continued to ignore his annoying presence. "Mercedes!" she faintly heard as she smiled to herself and turned up the volume of her music. Suddenly a bright light caused her to freeze in the middle of the street. It seemed like time was slowing down and the next thing she knew she was laying on the sidewalk, the crazy vampire hovering over her worriedly. She blinked a few times trying to focus but her head was killing her. Slowly she brought her hand up to her head and pulled it back to see blood on her palm.

"Mercedes, are you ok?" he asked with panic in his voice

"What…" she said dazed

Sam immediately noticed the blood on her palm and his fangs slowly started to descend. He clamped his mouth shut trying to will them away, "You're hurt," he said through muffled speech.

"How did I get down here?" she asked standing up.

"I pushed you out of the way. That speed wagon almost ran you over," he said with sadness in his voice as he turned so his back was facing her.

"Sam…are you ok?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Just please be careful madam on the rest of your journey."

"Are you sure…" she said stepping closer to him.

He jerked away from her, "Please have your wound checked at your establishment. I wouldn't want you to suffer a concussion."

"Sam-" before she could finish the rest of her sentence he was gone.

Situating herself on wobbly legs she made her started to brush off her clothes. Not wanting a repeat of the event and also because Sam had disappeared on her, she shoved her iPod into her purse. For a small second she almost felt guilty about the whole situation. Despite his crazy nature he had been nothing but charming and kind towards her and she had been nothing but mean towards him. _'What do you expect? He's a vampire! It's not like you found a stray dog Mercedes,'_ her mind told her. Still, she couldn't shrug off the fact that he risked himself to save her from a careless deadly fate. However it was all in the past now. Sam was gone to wherever he fled too. The chances of her running into him again were second to none. But did she really want to see him again? "No…of course not…" she said aloud as she continued on her way to work.

Far across town a small gathering had occurred in front of the old house on McGregor's Street. Police had been swarming the place as they removed the body of the night time guard they had found dead in the basement. According to the police report that had chalked up the incident as accidental and nothing further. To explain the blood lost they had assumed that rats and local cats had been feeding off of him as the state that Jacob was found in was not pleasing. In the distance away from the scene stood shadowy figures.

"For fucks sake…" a shrill voice said angrily, "Why didn't you kill him like you were told?"

"You said to dispose of him where no one could find him! How was I supposed to know he'd be awakened?" another voice hissed

"He is an idiot! He will expose us all and bring down our race!"

"He's harmless…I know this for a fact," a deeper voice said, "However the task was to rid the world of his existence."

"Maybe if she had done it herself and not used her useless minion it would have been done right!"

"Again how I was I supposed to know that he'd get out?"

"SILENCE!" a voice blared, "None of this bickering matters! What matters is that Samuel is out and we need to find him fast. Who knows what unforeseen trouble he will get into in the state he's in?"

"Also in case you didn't notice madam he's not exactly dressed for this century! He will surely stand out!"

"Cut her some slack…"

"NO! The fate of our race now lies in your hands. You will be the one to bring down the great idiot and we will see to it that his existence is removed once and for all."

"You can't do that!"

"He's a liability"

"He's harmless!"

"He's an idiot"

"This discussion is over with! Find him or your ridiculous ghoul will be the price you pay for his life."

* * *

**Thank you for all the previous reviews! I'm glad you all loved the first chapter and found it hilarious. I enjoy writing comedic scenes as I tend to have a very crazy mind. None the less let me know what you think about this chapter and the mysterious shadow organization. Looks like Samuel's going to have to get himself together fast.**


	3. Chapter 3

A week had gone by since the last time she saw Sam again. As much as she didn't want to think about him her mind would wander off about his whereabouts. Even after being there for one night there were constant reminders of him. She figured he had probably fallen down a manhole at some point and was living in the sewers, "Nah…he wouldn't live in those conditions," she said absentmindedly. A knock at her door brought her out of her thoughts as she threw the dishrag she had been using on the counter. Feeling anxious she paused for a moment before snatching the door open with a big smile. Her smile turned into a frown when she saw her friend Rachel standing there looking her questionably.

"Hi there…were you expecting someone else?" Rachel asked looking around her.

Mercedes shook her head, "Oh…I'm on the lookout for a package."

"I see…"

"Come in, come in! Sorry the place is a little messy," she apologized stepping inside.

Rachel walked in only to focus on the wall in the living room, "Mercedes are you aware that you have a hole in your wall?" Rachel asked staring at the exposed brick.

"Yes…" she responded

"I mean…are you expanding in here?"

"I'm redecorating," she responded flatly before turning around to go back into her kitchen.

Rachel made herself comfortable on the couch and started cooing towards Monkey. The cat leapt up onto the couch and slowly made his way over to her. She grabbed him and nuzzled her face into his fur. Mercedes smiled from the kitchen. Pouring herself and Rachel a cup of coffee she walked into the living room sitting down a cup on the table before curling up at the other end of the couch.

"So…how are you? I feel like I don't see you much anymore now that you work the late night shift. You're like a vampire," Rachel laughed

Mercedes winced at her last words, "Oh well I'm just tired. I mean I get off at five in the morning so I'm usually exhausted," she replied

"I understand. It'd be nice for us to get together again for lunch."

She nodded, "It would. Just say the word and I'll down many cups of coffee so we can hang."

Rachel laughed loudly, "I'm sure you would! Maybe we can have lunch at the end of this week? Santana's been asking about you too."

"Oh? How is she?"

"She's Santana. A tough cookie but one of the best employee's at my boutique. She can sell anything to anyone."

"I'm sure she could"

"Listen I wanted to stop by to give you this," Rachel said opening her purse to pull out a small gift box.

Mercedes eyes lit up, "For me? What is it?"

Rachel handed the box over, "It's a belated birthday gift for you. I saw it in the store and thought of you."

Mercedes gripped the box excitedly and opened it to reveal an antique looking necklace. It had been incrusted with small ruby's with an onyx in the middle. She held it up by her hand twirling it as it dazzled in front of her. "It's so pretty…" she whispered in amazement at the gift. Quickly she unclasped it and put it around her neck. Smoothing it out on her chest she smiled at her friend leaning over to hug her.

"Thank you Rachel! It's beautiful!" she chimed

"You're more than welcomed!"

Mercedes sat back and looked down, "I mean it's so old fashion, yet elegant. It must have cost a pretty penny."

Rachel waved it off, "Nah, it didn't break my pocket. Besides it called to me and all I could think about was you. So there you," she said standing up looking around the room.

"Well I appreciate it."

"I'll see myself out. I have to run a few more errands today before heading back to the store."

Mercedes turned on the couch, "Enjoy the rest of your day!"

Rachel opened the door and looked over her shoulder, "You too madam, you too."

* * *

The bar was packed for a Wednesday night. Then again tonight was a championship and the Lima Bar also served $2 beers on this night. The crowd may have been large but she surely wasn't minding the tips she was being given. She poured drink after drink counting down the hours until the clock struck five. It seemed like the last hour was taking forever and her patrons showed no signs of slowing down or leaving. She looked over at Tina with an exhausted look, to which Tina's face mimicked her own. Setting down the beer hose she walked to the other end of the bar and rested her head on her friends shoulder.

"I'm so tired…" she whined trying to fake sob.

Tina yawned, "You and me both. I'm ready to push everything off the counter and sleep on it."

"Tina, those words, they're beautiful"

"I'll give you ladies five bucks to touch each others boobs," a drunken man said waving around money.

Tina rolled her eyes and sprayed him with the water hose, "Down boy. I swear…this town needs more desperate women in it so these assholes can get laid."

Mercedes laughed, "This town is doomed then."

Finally her night had come to an end when she threw down her towel and threw up the deuces sign to Tina. She was not going to spend another moment in the bar for the fear of getting sucked back in. Grabbing her coat she moved briskly through the people and out the door. The feel of the cool early morning air on her skin made the nasty claustrophobic feeling she had from the bar melt away. Pulling her coat around her she walked off in the direction of her apartment. The streets were so eerily quiet it almost looked like a setup in a horror movie, _'Don't think thoughts like that,'_ she told herself as she continued her walk. The last thing she needed was to implant something scary in her mind that would make her paranoid. Thinking of Monkey she started to sing to herself as she neared her place. She loved her neighborhood. It was very warm but had a slight city feel to it. Unlike the other neighborhoods in Lima hers had street lights so she wasn't completely in the dark. Rounding the corner of her building she rustled around in her pocket for her keys. Her feet were aching and she was looking forward to kicking off her shoes and soaking them. Suddenly a loud sound caught her off guard causing her to drop her keys. Bending quickly she picked them up and looked around, "Why do I have so many damn keys?" she muttered to herself trying to find the right one. Another sound was made and out the corner of her eye she saw an empty tin can roll towards her. She glanced down thinking that it was probably a stray animal digging in the trash for something. Leave it to her to be coming home at the same time a hungry animal was making spooky noises. When she finally found her key she felt the hair stand up on the back of her neck. Mindlessly she rubbed the spot unaware of a figure moving towards her.

"You dropped this…" a deep voice said

"HOLY BEYONCE, KELLY AND MICHELLE!" Mercedes screamed grasping her chest before swinging her bag in the direction of her attacker.

Sam stared at her, "Evening madam"

She stopped screaming, "Sam?" she asked in confusion looking him up and down at the state of his clothes, "Why are you creeping in my trash?"

"I fell asleep here…"

"Get out of my trash! What part of go find somewhere else to live did you not understand?"

"Technically speaking madam this trash is public property and I have currently not found a new place of residence."

Sam started dusting himself off. He scrunched up his face as he picked up a banana peel off his shoulder. Giving himself a quick shake he smiled at her before glancing down. Mercedes narrowed her eyes at him, _'He's back…'_ her mind taunted. Part of her was annoyed that he had the audacity to stalk her trash. The other part of her was relieved to know that he was ok and that nothing bad had happened to him. She got lost in thought not noticing him slowly inching towards her. The offensive smell of his clothes caught her off guard.

"Ew… you smell like hobo piss," she stated snapping back into reality.

Sam blushed, "Well madam it's not like I have the luxury of running water," he said defensively.

Mercedes pursed her lips, "I am going to hate myself," she said a loud, "Sam would you like to come in and take a shower?"

His eyes perked up, "I'd be delighted!" he said making an attempt to embrace her.

Mercedes dogged him, "Nuh uh, you is foul and until you cleanse the funk of thousand years off your body you aren't even getting so much as a hello out of me."

"Noted"

"Come on and get inside before the neighbors think I took up a hobby of saving the dangerously creepy."

Unlocking her apartment door Mercedes hung up her jacket and tossed her purse on the sofa. Sam strolled in behind her pulling his shirt off his head. Mercedes noticed him out of the corner of her eye and turned around to stare. For an old ass person he had the body of a young man. The way his hair fell back on his bare muscular shoulders caused a little drool to seep out. Sam turned around unexpectedly studying her trance state.

"Are you ok?" he asked innocently

Mercedes focused on his abs and chest, "Um…"

He stepped near her, "Are you of the faint hearted?" he paused, "Your hearts racing. I can hear the blood flowing," he said reaching out to touch her chest.

Feeling his hand on her she snapped, "Don't touch me pervert!" she yelled slapping his hand away.

"Sorry…the sound of all that blood is delicious…" he stated licking his lips.

"You bite me and I will through you out naked."

He widened his eyes, "Not even a small bite?"

"Do I look like a blood bank to you?"

He thought for a moment, "They have them in these times? My how the world has changed…"

She pinched her bridge, "You're so stupid…" she whispered, "Here let me show you where the bathroom is and I will get you a towel."

Mercedes started to walk as Sam curiously followed her to their short destination. When they made it to the bathroom she told him that she would leave the towel for him on the toilet. Disappearing and reappearing she found him squatting in the tub concentrating. _'He doesn't know how to work the shower…'_ she thought briefly. Squinting her eyes she left out a sigh as she drew the curtain and reached in to turn on the shower. The sound of a thud and him screaming signaled that he wasn't prepared for the sudden rush of water. She chuckled to herself and rushed out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. Once she was on the other side she glanced over at her cat she who was eyeing the door suspiciously. She loved that Monkey kept consistent with his hate for strangers, "Come here baby, it's dinner time!" she called moving towards the kitchen to prepare Monkey's food.

It seemed like Sam had been in the shower for an eternity. How he had missed the feel of clean water and not to mention hair. Remembering to turn the water off as Mercedes instructions he stepped out onto the bathroom floor and shivered. He looked around curiously for toiletries that he could use. Grabbing the towel she left on the toilet he lightly patted his body before drying his hair. Walking towards the mirror he rubbed the steam off to get a good look at himself. He tugged on his long wet blonde looks and made a face. Taking the damp towel he wrapped it around his head and stepped out into the cool room. He sniffed the air, _'Cocoa?'_ he thought trying to guess the scent. Strolling into the living room he saw that Mercedes was bending down to grab something. His eyebrow quickly arched at the sight of her well rounded backside in his presence. Leaving against her wall her crossed his arms as his eyes continued to study her. Mercedes unaware of his presence turned around and screamed.

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU NAKED?!"

Sam looked at her confused, "I'm air drying madam," he said flatly

She felt her eye twitch, "I gave you a towel for a reason! Why is it wrapped around your big head and not your body?" she picked up her magazine and shielded her face.

"My hair is long and I didn't want to ruin your floors with it dripping everywhere," he said casually as he made his way towards her.

It was like a slow motion scene. One minute he stood fully nude the next he was sitting down, his bare ass inching further to the upholstery of her couch. Mercedes felt like she was glued to her seat as her eyes watched his pale flesh meet her suede. She could feel all the muscles in her face seize up as her eye started to twitch again.

"Nooo….." she whispered in horror.

"This is very comfortable. What do you call this material?" he asked casually rubbing his hand against the couch.

Mercedes eyes were still focused on his ass, "I…the fuck is wrong with you?" she blurted out looking up at his surprised face.

"Pardon?" he asked worriedly.

"Do you not have any home training? You just don't come out full fledge freakshow and sit down on someone else's couch naked! That's unsanitary!"

"But I bathed…"

She rolled up the magazine she had been reading and leaned over to swat him, "That's not the damn point Sam! I don't want your ass or your dusty dick rubbing on my furniture!" she screamed continuing to beat him until he jumped up.

He put his hand on his hips, which for Mercedes meant her eyes were now focused on another part of his body, "I beg your pardon madam, but I am a very clean man. I do not have lice and have never had so much as a cold. How unkind of you to refuse me seating all because I am not wearing trousers!"

"Find some trousers then!" she hissed

"From where? Do you see a tailor or a seamstress around here? Are you a seamstress?"

"Are you, are you sassing me when you just had your whole birthday fucking suit on my couch?"

"You are being entirely rude! And to think I actually came back to this place because I was worried about you."

Mercedes froze, "You were worried about me?"

"I was…" his voice trailed off

She seemed confused for a moment until reality hit her, "Well I don't care! Wrap that towel around your ass and don't you sit on my furniture with it either!" she snapped

He scowled, "And where do you suppose I sit? I am the Great Samuel Christopher Evans! I shall not be treated this way! Especially by a woman…"

"Oh you going to play the sexist game with me now after I took your broke down looking ass in?" she fumed standing up.

"I wouldn't be 'broke down looking' as you say if I had been properly preserved," he scoffed

"I don't give a shit. Put the towel on or I'll throw you outside! It's almost day time. I'm sure no one would miss a dried up naked vampire sizzling on the sidewalk."

He narrowed his eyes, "I do not take kindly to threats madam," he said his fangs slowly starting to descend.

She clamped her hand over his mouth, "You bite me you die."

Licking her palm he pouted, "You taste so delectable. You'd be dead before you could an inch."

"Try me"

"Don't tempt me. A lady should know better to show more restraint."

She stepped closer, "Try me"

He stared down at her letting her large eyes capture his. This woman mad him angry and was ready to grab her and sink his teeth into her skin. At the same time something inside was restraining him from throttling the smaller lady and instead keeping up their staring game. Sam licked his fangs as his ears focused in on the sound of her heartbeat; that sweet sound that he was growing fond of. It held the very essence he needed to live yet belonged to this stubborn woman. Mercedes refused to show fear and let him know that his appearance scared her. The last thing she wanted was to end up his dinner but at the same time showing no fear meant she meant business. What in the world would make this nutcase think it was ok to say and do the shit that came out of his mouth, _'He's from a different time…'_ she reminded herself. Feeling something brush up against her her eyes widened as she looked down and back up.

"Are you getting turned on by this?" she asked curiously, "I didn't even think you could get that thing up being dead and all."

"What?" he asked dazed looking down before his head shot back up, "It's not what it looks like!" he gasped quickly cupping himself with a flustered look on his face.

Mercedes started to laugh, "You did! Don't try and hide it. I already saw!" she shrieked with laughter, "Oh god…my sides hurt"

Sam turned his back to her, "Stop laughing at me," he hissed

"I can't," she said waving her hand, "Oh my…well at least your plumbing still works but damn. I didn't think our conversation was getting to you like that."

"Find me some trousers now!" he demanded

She glared at him, "Don't you take that tone with me just because you got sprung off a little verbal action," she spat before walking off to her room, "Probably the only action you've ever seen."

Sam snapped his head in her direction at her words. How dare she not only mock him but insult him as well? His angry had started to drift away as soon as shame took its place. He was cursing himself for accidentally getting aroused by their situation. Why in the world would he? He wasn't even remotely attracted to her! She wasn't his type! Mercedes had a foul attitude, but a really beautiful face. She was mean to him, yet she had a smile that could light a room. She said anything she pleased and was inconsiderate to his feelings, yet still opened her home to him. She was short and dressed unethically, yet she had the softest looking body he could ever dream about. Sam grunted out of frustration when he saw something being tossed in his direction.

"There. They belong to my brother. He's a big guy so they should at least fit," she said

Sam snatched the clothes, "Thank you," he said darkly holding the clothes up, "What type of commoner's cloth is this?"

"Fruit of the Loom"

"Why would I wear something made by fruits?" he questioned studying the fabric.

She put her hands on her hips, "Sam if you don't put on the damn shirt I will choke you with it."

He turned his nose up at her pulling the shirt over his body, "This is very ill fitting. Is this what you people wear now?"

"It's called I'm being nice and won't kick your naked ass wear."

"These pants are huge. Your brother must be a portly fellow"

"He gets by"

"I'll say…I could almost make a cloak out of this. I don't suppose you know how to sew?"

"Sam I'm not taking in clothes for you."

"I would at least like to be comfortable," he said turning around in his overly sized clothes.

Mercedes stifled a laugh, "Just wear them and shut up. Look it's almost 7 in the morning and I'm going to bed."

She said wandering off in her room forgetting what kind of person she just left by themselves. Stripping out of her clothes she pulled on her overnight shirt and got into bed. Turning off the light she snuggled under the covers and rolled over. "Sleep…" she sung softly as she closed her eyes. The sound of her floor creaking fazed her as she figured it was Monkey walking around the room. When she felt mattress shift see sighed at being greeted by her beloved tabby cat. Reaching for him in the darkness her hand was met by a larger body, _'…that is not monkey…'_ her minded alerted as her eyes flew open only to be met with a pair of glowing green ones. She screamed like bloody murder turning on her lamp. There with his head propped up under his head lying across her bed was the supernatural nutcase.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" she shouted pummeling him with her pillow.

Sam was taken back by her motion and fell off the bed, "Stop hitting me!"

She sprawled out leaning over to continue hitting him, "No! Quit being such a damn creeper!"

"I wasn't trying to be creepy! I was just watching you sleep!" he said defensively.

"Watching me sleep?" she said horrified, "That's a step below from wanting to wear my skin!"

Sam popped up staring at her, "Why would I wear your body as clothing?"

"Why were you trying to watch me sleep?"

"I thought it was interesting. You have a slight snore to your breathing. You might want to clear your nasal passage with a netty pot before bed," he offered allowing himself access to her mattress. He patted the soft fabric before lying across it.

"What the hell is a netty pot?"

"It's a pot that's filled with warm water that you pour through your nose. It's very good for preventing colds."

"That's gross," she said realizing he was making himself comfortable, "Get off my bed."

"Why?"

"Don't ask me questions. Get off my bed, out of my room and go back to your closet!"

"But I'm not tired"

She stared at him, "And I care because…"

"Because you took me in therefore you need to entertain me until I fall asleep."

"You annoying little shit…"

Sam frowned, "You don't have to be to mean to me madam. I…I just wanted to be near you," he confessed sadly

Her face softened at his words, "Sam…"

"I really was worried about you after you almost obliterated yourself with that speed wagon. The thought of your untimely demise put a very uncomfortable feeling in my stomach."

"I don't know what to say"

"I won't harm you I promise," he reassured, "I'll go back to my closet but please don't put the couch in front of the door again. Sometimes I do have the urge to urinate."

His words were charming but logic was fighting her, "No. Back in the closet you go with the couch. I don't trust you! You're a killer."

Sam laid on his back to fold his arms, "I am not a killer! Is a lion a killer because it hunts its prey to live? No…you find them charming. I need to survive on blood otherwise I die. You can't condemn me for wanting to live."

"You're not even alive!"

"Yes I am!"

"I've seen those horror movies and your ass is very undead."

"Say's who?"

"Um…ok let's talk about you drinking blood first of all."

"It's a very rare form of anemia."

"You can't be in the daylight"

"It's a skin condition."

"You punched a hole in my wall as if it was made of paper."

"I'm a very strong person."

"You're a million years old," she deadpanned.

"I…" he was stumped by her statement, "I have nothing."

"Exactly! You're undead. No living person would ever have all the problems you managed to accumulate."

"If I was undead I would have had to die in the first place," he responded dryly.

Her eyes moved quickly, "Wait? So then if you never died…why are you a vampire?"

He sighed rolling on his side, "It is but a disease I have. I can't die…well not really. I CAN be killed by someone. No one is immune from being murdered. I just age really really slowly, more than normal I would assume."

"Sam it's being many fashion decades later."

"Precisely, so unless I was bludgeoned and didn't know about it I'm not dead. I'm not human either, but I still function like a man," he pouted, "And I do have needs…"

She arched her eyebrow, "You best not be looking in my direction to fulfill anything for you. I'm no concubine."

Sam's eyes grew darkly, "I do not seek out women for those kinds of needs. I am very self satisfied."

"Oh because that happy hour you just had was proof?" she snickered

He grimaced, "Please stop speaking of that."

"But it's funny"

"No it's not. It's a shameful thing that happened. You aren't supposed to be looking at me in that state."

"It's not like I was really trying too," she said calmly settling under her covers, "I'm sorry ok."

He pursed his lips, "You won't bring it up again?"

"I promise"

"Apology accepted madam," he said sweetly before smoothing his hand against her covered leg, "Are you tired?"

"Stop touching me Sam," she warned, "Yes, I worked a very long shift."

The two of them went back and forth in conversation until the sun started to come up. By that point Mercedes had worn herself out and had fallen asleep. Sam had curiously watched her for a little bit, even though she had warned him not too. He couldn't help himself. She fascinated him in more than one way. Satisfied that she was in a deep slumber he climbed off her bed and drew the curtains before the sun could make its way into her room. Looking around in the dim room he walked out and closed the door behind him. His eyes glanced around the room narrowing at the large window, _'Why doesn't she have curtains out here?'_ he thought to himself as he counted before rushing to her closet. Pressing himself against the wall in the dark he sighed to himself. Sam sunk down on the floor and scratched his head. Feeling sleep starting to overcome him he yawned before making himself comfortable. Sleeping in the closet was much better than sleeping on the streets. It wasn't much, but it was something.

* * *

**Seems Mercedes has a soft spot for her acquaintance. Let me know what you think about their shenanigans.**


	4. Chapter 4

I wanted to say thank you everyone for the reviews so far! I'm glad everyone is enjoying the fic, as slow updating as I am with it and my sense of humor. I also wanted to address a few mentions about thinking this was a Dark Shadows remake at first. I've never seen Dark Shadows unfortunately but after hearing it mentioned and a few PMs it is now on my list of things to watch in the future. So THANK YOU for introducing me to something new. I love classic vampire horrors and don't know how this escaped my list.

Anywho, so I'll be updating the next chapter some time at the end of the week. I'm a busying person and I can't keep a straight face when writing this story.


	5. Chapter 5

The sound of heels clicking against the floor echoed throughout the hallow hallway. Hearing the door open all heads turned in the direction of the sound. A mixture of emotions was planted on the faces of everyone in the room. The ephemera stood nervously by the door averting their gaze from the dozens of eyes staring at them. At the table the head person hadn't bothered to look up but could sense failure was amongst them.

"I hope you haven't come back here without any new information," the deep voice warned.

"I have, I…found him…I think?" the ephemera replied nervously

The sound of a book snapping shut startled everyone, "Blessed!" they said with delight, "Where is the idiot?"

The ephemera twiddled their hands, "Well you…"

"Did he manage to get himself killed?"

"No"

"So Samuel is alive?" a pitchy voice asked amused before receiving a glare.

"Yes"

Fingers roughly tapped against the table, "I'm growing tired of your one worded answers. Either spill what you have or we spill your ghoul's blood!" the deep voice snapped standing up to stalk over to the smaller figure.

"He has taken up residency with a human," the ephemera quickly blurted out.

"A human?" the pitchy said

A snort was heard, "…he would…" someone said sarcastically.

"QUIET!" the deep voice commanded, "Tell me more about his human."

Turning their attention to the ephemera, "Does she know what he is?" another asked

"No"

The deep voice rubbed their temple in frustration, "And how is it that you know where he is yet I do not see his blonde head anywhere in this room?"

"Well that's the tricky part" the ephemera said lowering their gaze to the floor.

"Oh I do love surprises!" the pitched voice squealed in delight.

Feeling irritated the deep voice through their chalice in the direction of the annoying pitch, "Quiet! If I hear another word from you…"

"Sorry" they quickly apologized.

Turning their attention back to the ephemera they slowly stepped closer peering at them, "Now, why is this tricky?"

The ephemera eyes shifted around, "He doesn't seem to leave her residence. I can't very well just kidnap him. She'd call the police!"

"So kill her!"

"I'm not killing an innocent"

"I do not care for your morals. They have no place here. Justice needs to be served and you are the one to do it. Find him, drag him, or leave him to die in the streets. I don't care. I want him dead!"

"But sir…"

"He has done nothing but brought shame upon our family. I will not allow him to breathe any longer than necessary. Had you done your job right I wouldn't have to be forced to place you in this situation," the deep voice sighed turning to face everyone with a soft expression, "But alas, the things you make me do. I am a humble man yet you all seem to take me for a fool. Find my brother and kill him! I will show my humanity and allow you to spare the human. But under no circumstances are you allowed back here until you bring me his head!" their voice boomed causing the others to flinch.

The ephemera looked with pleading eyes at everyone before swallowing hard as they hung their head. Spinning on their heels they quickly left the room. Everyone else sat in silence afraid to speak. The anger that lingered in the air was suffocating. No one knew if it was safe to talk amongst them for the fear of being lashed out at. Different emotions registered on their faces as they watched their leader sit down before a servant brought them more wine.

* * *

Sam had been curled up into a ball on the floor, wrapped in a warm blanket that he took from Mercedes room. She hadn't gotten the railing fixed in her closet so he was forced to sleep like a peasant. He lightly snorted in his sleep at the sound of the doorknob opening. Glancing around the dark frantically he looked at Mercedes kitchen clock he had removed off the wall.

11:15am

He knew it was daylight and couldn't fathom why she would be opening his door at this time of day. Sam became panicked and wrapped himself up further as if he was in a cocoon. Not wanting to feel the burning sensation of his flesh he huddled in the corner. The door opened slowly as a confused Mercedes peered into the closet.

"Sam?" she called focusing on what appeared to be her purple comforter, "Sam I know you did not steal my expensive blanket just so you could swaddle yourself."

Sam's fingers poked through enough to reveal his eye, "Why is the door open Madam? Are you in of assistance? I can help you but with limitations," he said

She sighed, "Sammy…" she cooed, "Come out of the closet."

"Sammy?" he responded confused, "No! It's daylight. You know I can't be out."

"Just trust me"

"Mercedes…"

"Do you trust me?"

Sam wiggled in his cocoon until he fell over on the floor. Mercedes shook her head at him and grabbed a part of the blanket dragging him out into the open across her hardwood floor. He yelped as he felt her try and pry the blankets from his body. When she succeeded Sam reacted dramatically curling up to prepare for the worse. _'No burning?'_ he thought as he awaited his doom. When it never came he sat up slowly and looked around noticing the living room was now dark. His eyes became fixed on where the large window was that was now covered in heavy dark drapes. Looking from the window to her he tried to process what was going on. Sam turned to her wide eyed before slowly standing up. Mercedes backed up slightly at the wild look in his eye as he tried to approach her. Feeling her back meet with a wall she sighed as he inched near preparing for whatever he was about to do next.

"Did you put up drapes for me?" he asked softly as his eyes still remained wild.

She averted her eyes, "Yes," she said sternly

He bit his lip, "Why?"

Mercedes let out a sigh and put her hand up to his chest to try and push him back, "Because…" she started, "I wanted you to feel comfortable," she confessed.

His large hand clasped around her wrist, "Comfortable?" he repeated, "Are you letting me stay madam?"

"I suppose"

"Oh Mercedes…" his voice became wavy as he brought her hand up to kiss it.

Mercedes felt a chill go through her as she met his gaze. His green eyes capturing her brown ones as he looked at her longingly, "That is a very grand jester madam. One that I don't tend to take lightly. I am forever in your debt."

His green eyes searched hers for a response as she stood there in a trance. Her heart started to race as a result of his spoken words. Sam could hear the palpitation of her heart drawing him near. The sound driving him wild as he tried not to become fixated on the idea of drawing her blood. Mercedes breathed slowly as she felt Sam's hands land on her waist, his body pressing up against her. Suddenly she felt his lips on her neck as she tilted her head in response stifling out a low moan. Sam sweetly kissed around her collarbone and then back to her neck sucking on the spot he signaled out where her artery was. The touch of his lips on her sent a tingling sensation between her legs as he continued to caress her neck. Feeling his fangs descend he dragged his tongue across them, _'She taste so delicious…that vanilla smell…'_ Mercedes felt her nipples harden as he pressed more firmly into her hearing his breath become jagged. Blinking for a moment she quickly cupped his face, squishing his cheeks together to hold him back from her face.

"If you bite me you die," she threatened sternly her brown eyes piercing his.

Sam had a shocked look on his face, "S'ok" he mumbled nodding to emphasis.

"The moment you bite me I will throw you out of here and I will stake you in the daylight," she stated letting go of his face before crossing her arms over her chest.

He sighed looking down at the floor sheepishly, "I am very sorry. I will try to keep it under control. It's very hard with you smelling so delicious and well…I'm really hungry," he confessed with sad eyes.

_'He's a vampire Mercedes…did you completely forget that he needs blood to live? So now you've got this creeper living in your house and the number one thing on his menu is you? Good going Mercedes, good going… Oh damn this means I'm going to have to become a serial killer to keep him from killing me. This is some Little Shop of Horrors shit…'_ she thought to herself as if dawned onto her their living conditions. Glancing at him she breezed into the kitchen opening her freezer and fridge trying to find him something that he could digest. When she came up short she sighed before turning around.

"Sam is there anything that isn't blood that you can eat?" she asked

He looked thoughtful for a moment, "You gave me raw meat the other day. I held that down. It wasn't much but it did do something."

"So if I buy you raw meat you can live off of that?"

"No… I still need fresh blood madam. Raw meat contains dead blood. The nutrients are no longer the same."

"But it will tide you over until you can find something at night?"

"Perhaps"

"I'll be right back," she said grabbing her purse and heading for the door, "When I come back Monkey better still be here!"

Sam scrunched his face up in defeat as if she read his mind. His eyes shifted over to the disgruntled looking tabby that sat on the couch arm staring at him, "It seems you live another day," he exclaimed narrowing his eyes at the cat. Monkey hissed loudly causing him to flinch but then turn around and hiss right back, "You have no power over me feline." Turning up his nose at the cat he decided to explore her apartment. The one place that held the most information about her was her bedroom. Sam strolled into her room looking around at the purple décor. The sight of her leopard print fuzzy lamp made his head hurt. Feeling curious he roamed about opening drawers and doors. He had a need to know about this young woman that he would soon refer to as his live in companion. Opening her dresser he looked down curiously at her lingerie. Picking up a bra he studied it, "These must be used to carry items in," he said aloud stretching the material. Grabbing some of her items off the dresser he proceeded to place them in the cups of her bra, holding the straps as if it was a bag. When everything fell to the floor he panicked and quickly gathered her belongings placing them carefully where he had found them. Placing the bra back in the drawer he shut it to open the next one. It was aligned with nicely folded underwear. Sam picked up a pair of silk red panties and rubbed the material between his fingers. _'So this is what she wears underneath her garments? How lovely…surely these are meant to be seen by her husband…'_ he thought as he found himself lightly sniffing them, _'Oh they smell like vanilla too…Oh no…oh no…'_ his mind became frazzled as he quickly slammed the drawer and looked at himself in the mirror in horror. In all of his uncomfortable glory was a pitched tent. He sighed in the mirror, "It's been awhile…" he confessed to himself as he heard the sound of keys in the door. He felt himself cease up and looked down trying to press his erection in praying it would go down before she entered. It had dawned onto him that she would not take lightly to the sight of him hard and in her bedroom. As fast as his feet could carry him he sprinted to the couch and sat down leaning over to grabbing a magazine, placing it on his lap. As the door opened he pretended to not see her until his eyes lingered to his hand, _'Her delicates!'_ Feeling his face grow red at the embarrassment of still being in possession of her silk underwear he tried to cover up his shame by stuffing them in the pocket of his pants.

"Sam?" she called

He turned around trying to look innocent as possible, "Yes madam?"

She looked at her suspiciously, "Are you ok? You don't look so good."

"I'm feeling famished," he lied

She pouted for a moment, "I'm sorry. Well I tried to find the bloodiest meat I could. I even asked the local butcher if he had animal blood."

Sam's face scrunched, "Is it fresh?"

She shrugged, "I don't think so…hey it's better than nothing!" she snapped, "Anyways so he looked at me like I was crazy and I explained to him that I was making a soup."

Mercedes started to riffle through her purchases pulling out a container marked 'Blood' onto the counter. Sam immediately fled from the couch and over to her, his eyes sizing up the container, licking his lips impatiently. Reaching for it he picked it up and smelled it as he opened the lid. Mercedes snatched it from him.

"Just because you eat like an animal doesn't mean you live like one," she said handing him a wine glass.

"I wasn't going to drink from the container. I have a wonderful upbringing," he huffed.

She rolled her eyes, "Whatever, just don't spill any of it on the floor. I don't want Monkey to lick it and accidentally become a werecat."

He eyed her, "There is no such thing"

"Neither are vampires but I'm now living with one."

"Well this vampire is very humble and thankful towards your hospitality."

She sighed, "Me and my vampire… I should write a book about this. It'd become a best seller in the young adults section and then get turned into a campy but crappy movie filled with beautiful yet horrible actors."

Listening to her rambling, "I haven't the slightest of what you are talking about but I'm sure it holds relevance in this time."

"So I decided to be even more generous and brought you some fitting clothes," she started, "It's not much but I figured it's a start for you."

His eyes lit up, "Clothing? For me? What are the materials?"

Pulling out the packages she read them, "100% Cotton?"

"Cotton… is it Egyptian?" he asked curiously

"It's made in Taiwan," she responded flatly

"I don't think I've ever worn anything from there…"

"I doubt it"

"Is anything in there silk or perhaps velvet? Both fabrics feel wonderful on my body," he said in a snobbish tone sipping on his blood with his pinky out.

Once again she rolled her eyes, "No. I'm not spending that kind of money on you. You're not a pimp and I am not one of your hoes. You can get a job if your ass is too good for third world cotton made goods."

He glared at her, "It was simply a suggestion."

"Sam…I'm not here for your attitude. You're in my house, my time and my rules. Can't get with the program? Then you can get the hell out."

He pouted before drinking his wine again, "In my day you would have held your tongue and not spoken to me in this manor."

She put her hand on her hips, "Well in my day women kill their husbands and get off for it."

Sam felt conflicted, "Fine," he said, "What is a smedium?" he asked examining the package.

"It's not small but not a medium size. It's form fitting," she said trying to illustrate with her hands.

A look of confusion crossed his face, "How can something not be small but not medium?"

"Easy, it's smedium"

He tapped his chin thinking, "So if something isn't large but not quite medium then it's a ladium?" he asked pacing in her kitchen.

"No…that doesn't exist"

He stopped moving to look at her, "But a smedium does?"

"Yes"

"But there's nothing else?"

"No"

"Well what if I wanted it to be can I just go around proclaiming that I own ladium sized things?"

She laughed, "You sound so silly"

"So does a smedium"

"Sam…" she groaned

"Yes madam?"

"Shut up"

"Very well then."

Reaching for the bar stool at the counter he steadied himself as he tried to sit on it. Setting his glass down he perched himself on the seat before losing balance and falling backwards. Mercedes was immediately startled and stopped what she was doing to rush over to him. She held back a laugh as he laid on his fact staring up at the ceiling looking frustrated. Crouching down to his level she touched his face.

"Oh Sam… are you ok?" she asked biting her lip.

Sam rolled his head, "I am fine. Your furniture however is not made of good quality. It has no backing and is too high."

She started to chuckle, "It's a bar stool Sam. It's made for counter appropriate height."

"It needs to be taken outside and beaten."

Not being able to hold it in anymore she started laughing loudly, "I'm sorry," she professed wiping the tears from her eyes.

"It is not funny madam. I could have been injured. Then what? Do you know of a nurse that would have tended to my wounds?"

She rolled her eyes at him playing with his lightly, "You'll live"

Sam felt frustrated that the woman kept laughing at his misfortune. He reached out and grabbed her pulling her down to the floor with him. What he didn't intend was for her to land on top of him awkwardly. She continued to laugh as her hands pressed into his chest. Her laughter was infectious and caused him to start laughing as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Their laughter had soon started to die down and was replaced with silence as their eyes explored the other. Sam's cheeks began to turn red as his green eyes deepened. It was if the two of them had suddenly realized the position they were in. Neither one of them spoke a word to each other for what seemed like forever. Mercedes moved her arms to either sides of him to brace herself further. Her hand had come into contact with something soft. Curiously she pulled the materials up to look at it and her face turned into shock and anger.

"WHAT IS THIS!" she hissed shaking the material in front of his face.

His face started to turn red, "I don't know"

"You don't know? It's my damn underwear! Why do you have them?"

"I didn't mean too madam. I was simply looking through-"

She whacked him with the panties repeatedly, "You were looking through my things! You fucking pervert!"

Sam rolled tossing her off him as he stood up quickly looking startled, "It's not how it looked," he proclaimed putting his hands up in defense.

She got up dusting herself off before stomping over to him, "Then tell me what it looks like? What did you have them in the first place?"

"I was just smelling the-"

Mercedes flash a look of disgust on her face, "You were smelling my underwear?! First you want to bite me and now you're a panty sniffer?"

He closed his eyes trying to contain his anger, "I am not. That wasn't my intention. I do not partake in smelling women's under garments."

"You just said you smelled them…"

"I smelt the vanilla from your skin and it just happened…" his voice trailed

"I don't even want to know what went through your crypt keeper mind."

"Nothing that a normal man wouldn't think about."

Her eyes widened, "Are you serious!" she screeched

"I am only man," he stated defensively.

She wrapped her arms around herself, "Just yesterday you said you didn't have those kinds of needs."

He stepped toward her, "I lied," he placed his hand under her chin to hold her gaze, "You have a very soft body madam," he said seductively

Mercedes got lost in his eyes before blinking, "What did I tell you about performing that lazy eye trick on me?"

Sam scowled, "It isn't a lazy eye! It's how I capture your soul with mine."

She shuttered, "Ew…"

He rolled his eyes, "Why must you make things so unpleasant madam?" he brushed his hand up against her arm, "Do you not find me attractive?" he asked innocently.

She didn't know how to respond, "Um…" she stuttered

He tilted his head, "I'm sure it's been awhile for you madam," he spoke bringing his hands up to her face.

His remark brought her back to sanity, "Are you suggesting that I don't have sex on a regular basis?"

"No…well yes…" he confessed, "You said to not judge you by your clothes so if you aren't a lady of the streets then your streets are bare."

She clenched and unclenched her hands, "I can't decide if I want to punch you or choke you right now. You are one to talk! You've been stashed away for a million years. When's the last time someone touched your crusted pickle?" she spat arching her eyebrow.

"That is none of your business!" Sam replied looking flustered.

"Oh really. So you mean to tell me that you can question me on everything but I can't question you because you're a man?"

Thinking over her words he decided to choose his carefully, "No"

"Liar"

"I said no! Do you want me to say the wrong thing to you?"

"I appreciate honesty."

"Fine. Then yes, are you satisfied…Look madam I am from a different time and clearly you women have been given freedom of speech and have grown accustomed to being outspoken. Please forgive me," he apologized.

"Are you actually apologizing to me?"

"Take it or leave it. I don't do it often," he stated

She smiled to herself, "It's a start."

Sam mimicked her smile, _'She is a handful Evans and a very sharp woman. I do believe you have met your match,'_ his mind told him as he shook his head thoughtfully. Whatever it was about her made him want to apologize for his behavior. Something that he had never done in the past. The very fact that she challenged him intrigued him more than he thought possible.

"Perhaps this is the beginning of a lovely friendship," he stated

She smirked at him before crossing her arms, "Perhaps"

* * *

**Sorry about the lateness on posting. So it seems an awkward friendship is starting to form between them. Mercedes could make a ton of money off her book 'Me and My Vampire'. **


	6. Chapter 6

A week had passed since Mercedes had opened her home to Sam. To say it wasn't awkward was a very kind word. So far in an entire week Mercedes had managed to see Sam nude on a regular basis to the point that it didn't shock her anymore. She still hadn't forgiven him for using her decorative hand towels as wash rags. They have had their share of fights over boundaries and what he could and couldn't touch. After the constant bickering they slowly fell into a routine. Although Mercedes wasn't thrilled that she had to compromise with him, she figured it was the only way to keep the peace. To make herself feel better she decided to create a 'Socialize Sam' project. The first step to this project was finding the crazy vampire a job.

"Sam…" she said sweetly to him as he lay across her couch reading.

"Yes Madam?" he answered not taking his eyes off his book.

"We need to talk."

He put down the book, "What is it?"

Mercedes sat down patting his leg for him to sit up, "I think it's time?"

"…For?" he asked staring at her curiously.

"You know what it's time for Sammy."

"Um…"

"We need to discuss this. You've been here for a week and I think it's time-"

Sam cut her off as he leaned in closer to her. She narrowed her eyes at him as he cornered her into the end of the couch. "I completely agree," he whispered to her staring at her neck, _'Finally!'_ he thought with small victory. Placing his hands on her hips he pulled her down so that he could hover over her. His eyes gazed upon her soft body as she continued to stare in confusion at his actions. Sam lowered his face to her neck listing to the pulsating sound. The beat was driving him mad as he rolled out his tongue against her flesh. She shuttered at the touch, moaning slightly as he started to nibble on her. The familiar ache in between her legs was starting to pick up, leaving her wanting to undo her jeans and let him do whatever he wanted to her on the couch. Mercedes mind began to wander about the size of his cock and if he could last long. She placed her hands against his chest feeling every slight muscle as they made their way down. Relishing in the sensation she was bringing to his body, Sam's fangs started to descend. He loved how easily it was to arouse the young woman with his touch. However he wasn't thrilled by the affect she had on him. He hissed when he felt her cup his groin in her hand, "Mercedes," he whispered as he licked his lips. Suddenly he was overcome with guilt, _'Take her…no…yes…oh hell…this shouldn't be so hard. Hard…don't even go there…she's right there, willing, just take her…I can't…'_ his mind battled before he let out a heavy sigh. Pulling away from her he stared down at her in amusement at the lusty look she was giving him. The look quickly faded as soon as she caught the sight of his teeth. Sam felt panic as she started to glare at him. Her sudden movement sent him flying back against the couch.

"You were going to bite me!" she screamed accusingly.

Sam's face started to redden, "I didn't mean too!" he snapped

"Yes you did!"

"Look Madam, it's basic instinct for me or have you forgotten that you're technically considered my prey?" he asked eyeing her darkly

Her face hardened, "Animals can be trained"

"I'm not an animal!" he jumped off the couch and crossed his arms, "I'm still a man but I need to live just like everyone else. Dead animal blood isn't going to fulfill those needs. I need human blood. I can't help it that you smell like a three course meal to me."

"Sam…" she sighed, "Can I say what I was going to say before?"

"So we're just going to pretend that you don't live with someone that may want to kill you?"

"Just for a second"

He rolled his eyes sinking down on the couch, "State your claim"

Turning around to face him she tucked her legs under her, "I want you to get a job," she said flatly

"A…job?"

"You know, where you leave this house periodically to earn money so you can afford things."

"I don't want one of those. Only commoners have these 'jobs' as you say."

She arched an eyebrow, "I have a job"

"Surprising-" he cut himself off when he felt her staring hard at him, "I mean, it's very nice that you would take it upon yourself to gain a skill. I unfortunately madam have never been taught a skill."

"Everyone has skills Sam, stop being lazy."

"LAZY!"

"Yes lazy! Do you expect me to take care of you until you evolve into a gigantic bat?"

"It is ideal…ow! Ok, ok… tell me about these jobs."

"What are your hobbies?"

"I drink blood"

"Need something a little less obvious here."

"I like to look nice and own lavish things," he looked around the apartment, "You need to redecorate by the way. Um...I like counting money and leading others."

She sighed, "So basically you have the qualifications of a pimp, yet again."

"Does this pimp job require labor work? I really don't like lifting heavy things," he spoke holding out his hand to squint at his nails.

Mercedes patience was reaching high levels, "Who cares what you don't like. Not everyone likes having a job, but they need to do so to survive."

"I'm a vampire-"

"I don't care if you were David Beckham with a 10 foot dick!"

"Who's David-"

"That's not the point! The point is if you want to leave, stalk, creep, squat here you need a J.O.B as of yesterday."

"Well why didn't you bring it up yesterday?"

"It's a figure of speech."

"Sometimes your logic and words make no sense Madam."

"This is coming from someone who thinks pimping is an honest living."

"You made it sound enjoyable"

"There is nothing about pimping people to do shit for you. Be sufficient Sam or you're getting kicked out!"

He peered at her, "If I get one of these jobs will you help me find a better source of food?"

She looked at him stunned, "I'm not killing anything for you."

"No, not like that," he said leaning forward, "Will you help me find prospective candidates. I promise I won't kill them," he smiled

"Somehow I doubt that"

He frowned, "Are you saying I have no self control?"

"Considering your idea of foreplay always ends with you going into snack attack mode, yeah I think that's about right."

"When I'm horny I feed and when I feed, well you'll just have to find that out on your own," he flirted eyeing her up and down.

Her cheeks turned red, "Stop that! You have about as much swagger as a can of sausage. Quit trying to decrustify your pickle and think of some skills you can put to good use!"

"Fine," he pouted

"You seem to like to persuade people and if you harness that enough I might even say a little manipulative. Maybe selling something?"

"Do I look like a merchant to you?" he deadpanned turning up his nose.

"You about to be a homeless vampire if you don't quit your bitching."

He sighed dramatically, "Fine, fine… I can be a merchant. But you're forgetting one thing."

"What is that?"

"I can't go out during the day so unless local establishments and marketplaces stay open way past sundown I can't work there."

"What about a morgue?"

"And touch infected dead? I think not."

"But you drink… nevermind. Making sense with you is like trying to put together furniture without a manual," she told before going silent as she tried to think. "Ah ha!"

"Ah ha what?"

"Get dressed!"

"Do not command me to do things I don't want too."

"Sam…"

He pursed his lips looking at her curiously, "Where are we going?"

"To my job"

"…but I am not a gentleman of the night. I don't fancy exposing myself for money."

Having enough she nudged him with her foot, "I am not a hooker for the last damn time!"

"But your uniform… I don't think it's rather flattering on me."

"You just need to wear a black shirt. You've got a decent body that I'm sure it will not be hard to imagine what else is under there."

"No!" he gasped wrapping his arms around himself, "I do not want patrons visualizing me unclothed. That's disgusting."

"You walk around here naked…"

"That's different!"

"How so?"

"It's for you"

Once again her cheeks went red, "Who said I want to see any of that? You know, stuff like that counts as sexual harassment."

"It does not. You like, I know you do. You might be full of attitude and a mouth like a sailor but I know you have been checking out my manhood."

"Who uses the word manhood though?"

"Stop trying to redirect the conversation. I will take this job only because you are keen on me having one and because I get to work closely with you," he smiled devilishly.

She shuttered, "Sam I swear if you touch me in anyway."

He slid closer to her, "What are you going to do madam?" he said in a deep voice, "Are you going to manhandle me?"

Mercedes started to laugh, "Oh god! Stop it! Shut up! Your game is so weak," she cried as she doubled over in laughter.

"It is not!" he fumed trying to hide his embarrassment.

"In what time period did using fancy old English work to pick up someone?"

"Mine"

"It's 2013 Sammy, you need to up your game if you ever have any thought of touching a woman in this decade."

"Why must you make fun of me all the time?"

"Because you make it so easy"

"I detest the thought…you truly are the devil in a tiny brown woman's body."

"Call me brown one mo 'gain"

He looked at her, "I… you know what? I'm not even going to try because I have come to realize that you will dig me a further verbal grave than I had ever wanted to be in."

As time went by Mercedes began to question herself for agreeing to get him a job at the Lima Loser. She had hoped that her quick decision wouldn't result in regret. Sam was unpredictable as much as he tried to sell himself sane to her. She knew better. She also knew that if he got a job with her she could keep an eye on him and make sure he didn't get himself staked. She hated the way she cared for him. '_It doesn't make sense! He's a vampire! His every thought is to eat you or have sex with you! He's crazy as fuck too,'_ she told herself as she stared at her reflection in the mirror.

"You know sometimes I just have these moments where I wake up in the middle night and shout 'Mercedes what the hell is wrong with you?' only to answer my own question by realizing I'm talking to myself," she stated staring absentmindedly.

Looking down at Monkey she noticed the cat staring at her intently. Brushing of the animal's stare she went back to fixing her face. Out of nowhere she felt the hairs stand up on the back of her neck. Her body felt tense and awkward as she tried to make sense of what was going on. Brushing it off she turned around only to scream in fright at Sam.

"What do you want you psycho? You can't sneak up on me like that!" she yelled hitting him with her brush.

"Ow! Stop hitting me!" he pleaded, "I only came in here Madam to see why you were taking so long."

"Didn't I tell you you weren't allowed to barge into my room?"

"You said when you're not in it," he titled his head, "Am I wrong and you are not here?"

She huffed, "Don't be a smart ass."

Quickly smearing her lipstick across her lips she puckered them until she was satisfied. Giving Sam the evil eye she grabbed her purse and keys. "You be good while Mama's gone," she said sweetly to her cat as she petted his head. "Let's go," she directed towards Sam who had been leaning against the counter. Her eyes scanned his body as the smedium black shirt hugged him nicely. For someone that was a billion years old he had a nice physique that screamed, 'Come fuck me!' All she wanted to do was rub her nails up and down his chest before ripping off his clothes. Letting him feel up her body before tumbling to the ground in a sweaty heap. Sam could hear heart heartbeat change as he looked at her face. For a brief moment he caught the glimpse of desire in her eyes before she turned around and headed out the door.

The walk to the bar was a quiet one. Neither one of them wanted to be the first to talk. Sam couldn't deny his excitement to be apart of her life more and get to know her better. She may have gotten on his nerves with her attitude and persistent ways but he really did enjoy her company. Although hostile at times, she was always kind to him and patient when he knew she shouldn't have been when he gave her a hard time. He felt more and more like a fish out of its element.

"Thank you," he whispered

"Excuse me?" she asked side eyeing him

"I said thank you"

"For what?"

"For…" he started his eyes trailing off, "For just being yourself Madam and for caring about me."

She scowled, "I do not care about you."

He smiled softly moving closer to her, "If you say so Madam."

He eyes watched her as he smirked to himself, _'Deny all you want. I will have you one day…oh a squirrel!'_ he thought as his eyes followed the animal briefly. He hadn't realized he slowed up his pace until he saw that Mercedes was way ahead of him. Picking up the pace he rushed to her side clasping her hand in his. She turned to him startled trying to shake her hand from his. He tugged, tightening the grip as he smiled to himself for the victory that he had just one. Mercedes sneered at him but decided now wasn't the time to fight her lunatic. The neon signs of the Lima Loser came into play. She suddenly became nervous, _'What if he goes out of control and eats everyone in the bar?! You'll be out of a job! Or worse you'll be dead! Never trust a vampire. Especially him…he's so…so…oh he needs to stop being so damn sexy! I wish he'd let go of my hand. What does he think this is? I didn't give him permission to touch me. I'm going to have to add this to the list of boundary issues he needs to abide by.'_

"Where here," she said letting out a big sigh, "Let's get the show on the road."

* * *

**A/N: To be continued. Will Sam be able to hold down a job working with Mercedes, surrounded by delicious opportunities at every turn? They're getting more comfortable with each other but that never stops awkward moments. Until next time! Let me know what you think.**


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